Would you trust a past cheater ? Need advice?

I feel in love with a divorced woman who cheated on her husband a few times she has kids and was trapped in the marriage and extremly un happy for years . Now we are in love and have been together for over a year and she has not cheated or gave me any reason to doubt her I show her love cna she knows how much I care for her and she said that she has never been so in love in her entire life . We are in our fourties and both have kids we are talking about getting serious but the thing that sets me back is that I am onstantly worried about her cheating on me when we are not together or she is late , or did not call whwhen she was supposed to I start wondering and usually I Imagine the worst but she always explains what has happened for the delay without my asking . I don;t let on about my fears but I think she suspects I dont totally trust her . I love her so much and want to trust her but part of me is scared to take a chance because I would feel like such an idiot if she did cheat .Would you trust a past cheater ? Need advice?
I am 38 and left my abusive marriage after 18 years. I was a cheater. I have been in a monogamous relationship for almost 2 years now. I made the consious effort and choice to not be a cheater. I feel like I was only a cheater because of the terrible marriage. I was 17 when i got pregnant by my x and I had grown up with an alcoholic mother so I think i was just so used to being in a bad/abusive relationship that I didn't leave.


But I really like being a faithful person and dont want to be what i was and wont be.


Now, do I think about it?


Yes, but I am 38 and always ALWAYS thinking about sex.


I did call my boyfriend a few minutes ago and we have a date for 10 after I get home from work.


He's got everything I need.


~Peace~Would you trust a past cheater ? Need advice?
once a cheater is always a cheater
It would be hard, I suppose, but a persons past is the past!! We are only human and we all make mistakes. Some worse than others. Maybe she never had the love before. Maybe you have shown her true happiness. I am sure she has learned from her mistakes in the past. Until she gives you a reason not to trust her, leave it alone. Don't let it turn into something you may regret later on down the road.
Talk to her.Be honest with her.


Tell her your fears.


See what she says.


But yeah i understand cause if a person feels like it is OK to cheat on the person they took vows with to be honest and faithful with when it got rough. then why would feel it is not OK to cheat on someone she is just dating when it gets rough.If you talk with her and still want to get serious i would think about couples counseling and no it is never to early for help if you love someone and want to make it work.


Just know at a point if you still don't trust her then it might just be time to move on.
my thing is, if she was so unhappy in her marriage then why didn't she leave? just like most girls she will go behind his back and cheat on him. not a chance in hell would i trust her. find an honest girl
Nope, I wouldn't. I have seen friends go through that and it makes their relationships worse/unresolved. They in fact are still together and one is miserable and the other thinks everything is ok now. But there's a lack of communication there too.
If she truly loves you then she will not cheat on you. I used to be that girl, I have cheated on someone that I was in a horrible relationship that I couldn't get out of but the man I'm with now, I would never cheat on. But you must trust her completely or it will never work.
did it once do it again
If you love her, then you must put yourself out there and risk getting hurt.......trust in her completly until she gives YOU a reason to doubt her......the past is the past, concentrate in today and now. GOOD LUCK.
Well you just need to sit her down and talk to her about this. If you both love each this much then you both need to get everything out in the open before you guys get any more serious. If she truly loves you then she should be able to understand your insecurities.
Wow welcome to my world! I know exactly how you feel and the sad part is that they say if you dont trust someone unconditionally there is really no love between you and no relationship. I personally do not agree to that and i trust anyone that is more on a level of gaining my trust over years.


First of there are two types of people the ones that trust you off the jump and the one that dont trust you but let you prove them over sometime that you can.


We both probably fall into a category two when it takes time. Sometimes I feel like its my insecurities that make me feel like he will cheat on me because i may not look like a model, even though pretty close. Daymn I can be looking like a model and still worry about him going off with someone who looks even better. I mean there is always going to be that feeling. Suspiciousness is a *itch too. I hate myself when i am playing detective trying to investigate his day schedule to see where or for what reason he came home later then he usually do, etc. But you need to let it go and stop beating yourself up like that. Imagine you worrying about it for over a year, if you guys do stay together and all. You probably going to have gray hair by second year. Just let it flow. Try to trust her. I know it is hard, but she loves you. If she said she never loved anyone like this she may be right, because most of the times if people cheat is because they werent really in love with a person at the time and never were happy with them. Make sense? Now that she is with you and she is happy she may not need to look anywhere else.


Try to talk to her about things also. Just like married couple dont do (unfortunately) sit behind a table and talk to her about things you may need to improve and of course things she may need to improve to make a better relationship. See if maybe there are things she need you to work on. Because if woman have lovers out there is mainly for sex or spiritual reasons, like if she is not satisfied in bed she will be looking for a person on a side or if you dont take her out a lot and have those romantic evenings anymore she will be looking for that romantic guy to make her feel special...blah blah blah.


Oh and on another thing....you guys are not married. You've been together for a year strong, so if she is not into you to the point that she is cheating on you ....would you think she still be there with you when you are not even married and dont have to worry about children and divorce expences???





I think you are fine. Just because at some point of her life she was unhappy like you said she was looking for love and happiness some place else. She had a reason. If YOU wont give her those reasons she may not cheat ever again in her life.


Good luck in everything!
i have cheated %26amp; i am divorced now,but maybe this time she has found real love %26amp;will never cheat again,this is the case with me. ( NEVER AGAIN )


I think you will do fine ,,trust her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LISTEN U CAN'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER SO WHAT SHE MADE A MISTAKE IN HER PAST R U GOING TO CRUCIFY HER 4 IT. THERE R TIMES WHERE IN LIFE THINGS JUST DON'T GO RIGHT AND U DO BAD THINGS BUT U ALSO LEARN FROM THEM. WHAT SHE DID WAS IN HER PAST AND SHE DID NOT DO IT 2 U. GIVE HER A CHANCE PEOPLE DO CHANGE BEING PARANOID IS GOING 2 LEAVE U A VERY LONELY MAN BECAUSE IF U CAN'T TRUST HER 4 WHAT SHE DID IN THE PAST U WILL NEVER TRUST ANYONE. U HAVE 2 B OPEN WITH UR PARTNER AND BUILD THE TRUST THAT U DO NOT HAVE RIGHT NOW. IF U LOVE HER AND SHE REALLY LOVES U THEN IT WILL WORK. U CAN ALSO TALK 2 HER AND TELL HER HOW U FEEL AND THAT IF AND WHEN SHE IS NOT HAPPY WITH U 2 PLEASE LET U KNOW SO THAT WAY SHE DOES NOT GOING AROUND CHEATING ON U AND U WILL DO THE SAME IF U R NOT HAPPY U LET HER KNOW. U CAN'T B THAT PERFECT I KNOW SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE IN LIFE U HAVE MADE MISTAKES AND LEARNED FROM THEM. A RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON TRUST, HONESTY AND RESPECT.
HE WILL DO IT AGAIN


JUST MOVE ON
no i do not believe that u can't trust a past cheater, depends on the reason she cheated. if u have no reason to believe she is cheating, than don't worry about it. if she did cheat on u it would have nothing to do with u, u would not be responsible for her actions.seems as if things are going very well for u and her, and she would have no reason to cheat, logically anyway. u have some insecurity issues, from your past, where someone let u down badly, but it has no bearing on the relationship u are in now. we have to trust, and feel secure and safe, unless u have reason to doubt her, than don't. she wants u to trust her, and she is upfront with where she is, and has been, what more could u ask for. if she were hiding something, u would be able to feel it. if she were evasive or not wanting to explain to u, u might have reason to feel unsettled, but it probably has to do with something in your past that u have not dealt with.
First of all were you one of the men that she cheated with? Anyhow it sounds like she realizes that she may have made mistakes in the past but you should not judge her if you have no reason to suspect that she is being unfaithful to you. I am sure that you have not lived a perfect life. People make mistakes but if she wanted to sleep around she probably wouldnt be in a relationship with you she would be single. Move on and don't conjure up things in your head unless you have reason to believe that she is actually cheating on you.
Stop Obsessing over whether or not she will cheat. If you do you will never be happy. Just enjoy the time you spend with her. Unless you have hard evidence do not even bring it up, EVER, b/c if you do it will tell her that you really do not trust her. You cannot assume that she will cheat on you b/c she was unhappy in her last marriage. That is not fair to either of you. If she tells you she is happy and loves only you believe her and enjoy her. If you start to accuse her she will not put up with it and it will be over anyway. Good Luck!