One thing that can kill a relationship for sure is lack of trust and loss of individuality. I reccomend you have a serious heart to heart with your boyfriend about this because if it's not addressed quickly, you'll be facing this problem for the rest of your relationship. Just be frank with him, you need to have your own time to dispose of as you see fit.Need advice on trust issues?
Have you given him a reason to not trust you? Are you wanting to go to lunch, etc, with guy friends or girl friends? Also, would you be OK if he wanted to do the same things without you? Everyone needs time alone. Going to clubs/bars/dancing on the other hand is NOT time alone and is not the best place to go if you are not single. Lunch with friends and bowling, movies, things like that should be OK.
Once again, this is your boyfriend. Have we discuss getting married or something like that. Because it sounds like to me he have a problem with not being in every part of your life. If you don't rectify this now, it will be a problem in the future for you two. You want be able to breathe if he's not there to breathe for you. Scary Huh????????????
You should NOT stop seeing your friends to make him feel more secure. Trust me on this you can't make someone feel more secure by giving in to him. It will ultimately ruin your relationship because you will end up resentful and miserable as your world gets smaller and smaller. Will he want you to give up your family next?? I think long and hard about this relationship. I'm not saying he will be, but, most abusers start out isolating their girlfriends or wives. I'm just saying be careful.
I went thru the same thing and wound up in a divorce. I am a PBA pro bowler on tour and she knew what my life was about when she met me and she loved the same thing but once we married and settled down she tried to control my every move,what I wore, when I could have my shirt off around her friends and what I did while on tour. Well lets just say I am single now after 9yrs and I don have to take Zanax anymore from the stress sh caused on my life and my feelings. So for the most part he thought you were good enough to be with when you met and he probally met you while doing some of the things you want to do now so he should except you for who you are and if there is no trust, there is no respect, and if no respect there cant be a real love
i smell trouble... once u're in a relationship, it's kindof unusual to want to go to bars for a drink with friends and not have ur mate there. usually u start drifting towards couples and doing things with them. however, he shouldn't have a problem with u going out with a girlfriend to the mall or movie, etc...
You need to confront him and ask him why he doesn't trust you. You may also have to consider moving out before he gets abusive.
First of all you shouldnt have to change yourself compelety to keep him happy...you are your own person. You need to make yourself happy first before making him happy..dont get me wrong his feelings do count..its nice to know that he may care about you and who you hangout with..but you shouldnt have to drop your friends for him...here's a question to you...do you think he'll change himself completely for you? that's not gonna make anyone happy a few changes here and there are ok. He needs to trust you to do what you like to do. Ask him if he's gonna drop his friends for you and ask him well if you want to hangout with just the guys would it be ok for you to come along to?!
Do you spend time with him as well? Do you ever go out as a couple with these friends and their partners?
If the answer to both of those is yes, then you have nothing to be sorry for. He needs to understand that you had friends before him and you still have those friends. He should get some guy friends to hang out with while you're out with the girls.
If the answer to those is no, then you need to work on your relationship skills a bit. There needs to be balance. You should think about; why do you keep him from those friends? Are you trying to escape him?
You should never change who you are for someone else, but the two of you can work on growing together rather than apart.
No you should not change. You do need to figure out where this new insecurity is coming from. He may have an issue with one person in your life and because he is embarrassed or afraid to confront you with it directly he is getting upset over things he really doesn't care about. Try to approach him in a non accusing manner and ask him exactly why he does not want you to go out without him.
No comments:
Post a Comment