Wife having trust issues. Any advice on rebuilding an open and honest relationship. rebuilding trust.?

She's having trust issues. I'm very understanding about this. I abused her trust in the past. Not adultery or anything but I am a recovering addict and I lied about where I was when I was getting my drugs and about money. The thing is, I'm being completely open and honest with her. I sit her down for 30 minutes every night to just discuss our thoughts and feelings in an environment in which there is no arguing or raising of voices or sarcasm allowed. I'm completely transparent about my location and where I spend my money all of the time. I was prepared to do this when we decided to give our marraige another try. What am I not doing? I listen to her feelings and use that knowledge to try to meet her needs emotionally, but it's wearing me out. Has anyone out there been in a relationship with a recovering addict? How long did it take to earn your trust back. Did your partner give the kind of effort that I am giving? Can I do more? I am willing to do whatever it takes, I'm just at a loss.Wife having trust issues. Any advice on rebuilding an open and honest relationship. rebuilding trust.?
its extremely hard to trust someone after they lie to you. she never knows when you are telling the truth now because you lied before and all that is going through her mind is ';what if this is a lie?'; what if he really spent this money on drugs and this is a cover up? what if he is not where he said he is?? it is so hard to shake all that. you have to give her alot of time.i know its hard but just think about if the tables were turned what would you do?? you wouldnt be so quick to trust her would you?? think of a time when someone done something to you how did you react?? do you still trust them?? it will work out just give her as much time as she needs to get over it. hang in there. good luck.Wife having trust issues. Any advice on rebuilding an open and honest relationship. rebuilding trust.?
the great walls of china wasnt build over night. at times it takes a while to mend the wounds!!! it may take years, and even though we as woman forgive at times its hard to forget. I p ersonally have forgiven my husband for things he's done but at times i find myself crying when thoughts just appear. apparently she still loves ya loads and loads and that should be your pillar to recovery, shes dealt with it for several years so you have to give her time. and it will happen.


good luck
well is sounds like you are doing all you can...im married too and i've seen stuff like this happen to other people....trust is something that is very hard to get back once you loose it in a relationship...but then again, you can only pay for a problem soo much before you exhaust yourself...you did agree to make yourself more open in the relationship but she also agreed to try to trust you again when she decided to make the marriage work....you can only do so much....and i think you should really talk to her and ask her what it's gonna take for her to trust you again....you can't have a functioning relationship without trust....and it's up to you how long you want to pay for your mistakes and whether or not you have done enogh already....
understand that you earn trust over time, and show her through your sincere actions. im so happy for you that you have recovered from you addictions! dont give up and stay positive :)
part of recovery is that you must assume a loss


and that is if a person never forgives you or never trusts you again, then there is nothing you can do, much less expect and you shouldn't be angry


after all bad actions may / should have their consequences and she should deserve the right to never forgive you nor forget and move on in her life to a peaceful and honest and trusting relationship with someone else


if you cannot accept that, then you are selfish and it's one of the core reasons why you went into drugs to begin with





you 2 will not probably make it


as she will have the doubt always in the back of her mind.


all it will take will be one missed or late phone call, one day late in from work


and she be convinced you're back into drugs


so why even bother with it?


you are better off getting to know yourself better


feeling good about yourself


and start dating a new


with no hang ups or baggage


BTW if you are willing to spend the rest of your life proving yourself


then you are never going to have the level of intimacy and trust you desire


as it never should be a proving ground for the rest of your life
My dear, you probably don't want to hear this, but she may never trust you again. As you know, addicts are liars, and as honest as you say you are being now, she has no way to know if that's the case. You obviously hurt her, and she is reluctant to give you her trust again because she doesn't want to be hurt again. You are doing the right thing, but you have to keep doing the right thing until she believes in you again. There's no timetable for that. Another thing to think about is that you both played a role in your addiction. She was the strong, healthy one, and you were the weak,addicted one. Now that you are getting healthy, she may feel like her place in your family isn't there any more. Counseling might help you both find a new way of being together. There aren't any easy answers, but I can tell you my parents survived my dad's alcoholism. He quit drinking about 25 years ago, and they recently celebrated their 40th anniversary. Good luck to you.
You're on the right track. Stay clean and honest. She'll come back around!





Congrats on cleaning yourself up, sir!!!
Sometimes it's just really hard for someone to regain trust if it's been lost!!! talk to her find out if there is anything else you can do to regain her trust...that itself might impress her that you still want her to trust you %26amp; want to know what you can do...dont wear yourself out though if she has said she will forgive you and give you another chance you shouldnt have to be working extra hard to regain her trust. just showing improvements and stability should be enough too!!!


Good Luck!!!
it seems to me like you are doing to best you can and it will just take time to repair your relation ship
It is going to take time for her to trust you again. And for her to believe you not going to relap. Just keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like the best thing for you guys. Maybe even try counseling together to see if that helps. Good Luck and congrats on being clean.
Sounds like you are doing good. Don't over do it. You know right from wrong, don't do anything wrong ever again. Always tell your sorry when you've upset her. Sometimes too much effort put forth can come across as too much too soon and not be trusted. Take it easy, but it does sound like you're headed in the right direction. Good Luck
Don't lie. simple as that!
IT TAKES TIME TO HEEL BUT, SOMETIMES IT NEVER HEELS AND YOU HAVE TO END IT I KNOW IT IS HARD BUT, IF SHE SOON DON'T COME AROUND MOVE ON WITH LIFE AND JUST SAY YOU TRIED HARD AND IT MAY BE HARD BUT, SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN NOT GET OVER THE PAST AND IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN JUST REMEMBER TO STAY CLEAN AND DON'T GET UPSET JUST THINK OF IT LIKE THIS SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO SAY GOOD BYE BUT, IF SHE CAN NOT FORGIVE AND FORGET THEN WHAT KIND OF MARRIAGE DO YOU GOT. JUST GIVE IT A LITTLE MORE TIME AND TIME WILL TELL IF YOU WILL MAKE IT...GOOD LUCK
Well, since this is the wicked web you already weaved..don't you feel a little crummy demanding her to forgive and forget, while tapping your foot when you feel it's an appropriate amount of time to be trusted again? Listen, she had to go thru some things when you were out honeymooning the goods...now, be understanding and patient as she was with you all this time. I mean now is not the time for someone to put timeframes or stipulations on trust..as trust is earned not a given.





Don't complain or act inpatient ..otherwise, your anger will just add as another bug on the ';windshield of her life.'; Do you want to be a bug? I dont think you do...
Gainging back trusts takes time....I know this because I am also trying to rebuild trust. Just dont head down the wrong path again where she can no longer trust you.


Give her time and dont screw up and you will eventually earn it back
start ground up show her a way that she can trust you again
Two things must occur:





First stop bashing your own brains out. You MUST forgive yourself! On the surface it sounds like you have done that or have at least moved in that direction. If you have not, then forgive yourself, get freedom and move on.





Second: Your wife MUST forgive you too! Neither of you can afford to use this as an opportunity to attempt to gain ownership or lordship over the other.





In marriage, your job is to be everything your wife needs...regardless of the cost to you personally. It is your wife's job to be everything that you need, regardless of what it costs her personally. Some people never figure this out and think or act like ';I will do this if you do that';. In other words, they never sell out completely to the marriage (look that word up), or they constantly attempt to tell the other one what they should be or how they should act.





Now the harsh reality is that sometimes the damage is done. For instance, a person may have sucked asbestos all their life in construction because they would not wear breathing protection. 20 years later this person may wear the mask when mowing the lawn or may give up cigarettes, however the damage to the lungs simply cannot be restored.





Wearing you out? Well my friend, quite honestly that could be a very small price to pay if you really want this to work. If she is worth keeping, then she is worth fighting for.





Oh...and we all do some idiot thing to lose trust and that includes me. But with diligent persistence and time these wounds actually do heal. I have 18 years of marriage to prove that it works.





I trust that you will do the right thing, for the right reason, in the right way.
im not really in the same situation but my husband cheated on me about 5 years ago and im just starting to gain his trust back. we went to a counselor and tried that. i would see if that works for you. it takes a long time to heal. let her vent when she needs to and dont tell her to get over it.