I have been dating a girl quite steadily for an excess of seven months. We had not kissed until approximately six months. Perhaps slow on our part, I would naively like to think well paced though. Last Saturday however we were laying in a local park taking in a cool spring evening and things heated up, quickly. After simply kissing for quite sometime we found ourselves lying on top of one another engaging in what can only be characterized as ';clothed sex.'; At the time, the two of us thought nothing of it. However, upon speaking with her the next day she was quite distressed about our previous ';playing with fire.';
Although she knows that I would not compromise her in anyway and she was just as much a player in the evening as I was, I still believe that she feels violated to a certain degree. This young lady is the reason that I live and breath. Any advice on how to reestablish our deep ethical and moral trust is greatly appreciated.
Cordially,
Steek
Jesters needn't advise thx.I am a young man in need of assistance regaining moral trust with the young woman I love. All advice welcome.?
Wow, aren't you a gentleman? It would be nice if there were more like you in the world.
Just be honest with her. Say things got a bit heated up, but if it's not what she wants, then it wont happen again unless she feels ready for it. I'm sure she trusts you, like you say, and she's probably feeling more guilty about her own part in it than yours. Tell her you still think the world of her, and if she needs some breathing space, you can give that. I doubt she'll take you up on it, though. She'd be crazy to let you out of her sight!I am a young man in need of assistance regaining moral trust with the young woman I love. All advice welcome.?
Maybe if you ask her to log on to Yahoo answers and read your question, she'll realize how much she means to you and how much you care for her and her insecurity would disappear. She's luck to have you...if you stay like that forever of course.
it takes two to tango and she was part of this tango. you didnt do anything wrong, i just think she is a little embarressed that she let it get that far. just reassure her that you will only go as far as she wants too and like you said wouldnt do anything to compromise her morals or ethics. she really does have to own up to the fact that she is partly responsible for what happened in the park. you seem like a decent guy so good luck.
for now don't even kiss her let her feel comfortable inthe sensual part of the rellationship again! Take it slow and let her know that you understand her feelings and it won't happen first on your part unless she initiates it!
Keep seeing this young lady and tell her that you will, from now on, only go as far as she wishes you to go because she means the world to you. Show her the uttmost respect and attention from now on. Do not ever take her for granted because this happened. Consider courtship with her instead of just dating if you believe she could be wife material. Give the matter some very serious thought, since the chemistry is there along with the ethical and moral trust. You might want to plan a proposal in the near future so she will know you aren't playing with her affection.
Give her plenty of time and space to think about it. Try not to contact her even if you don't hear from her for a week or so. Once she has had time to think she will realise what a gentleman you have been and how foolish she would be if she let her confusion push you away. It sounds to me like you have the patience of a saint and saints always get what they deserve in the end. Just try not to worry.x
The best is to put it behind you guys and move on. I don't know how old you are or your girlfriend is but from what you are telling me you guys are both OK with keep a slow paced relationship. There is nothing wrong with it but you both have to accept what your biology needs are. This kind of episode may or may not happen later but she needs to know that you respect her enough not to push her into anything that she doesn't want. You can talk to her about that, but forget about the previous episode and move on like normal loving couples.
Best of luck to you.
just slow down a bit and let her know that you are going to go there unless she makes the first moves. i say moves plural for a reason - it lets her know that won't go there impulsively. if your young there is no hurry anyway
Wow, well spoken, whole words, correct English...I'm impressed.
It sounds like she is scared of her feelings...what is her religious position? Yours? If she feels guilty then she is likely putting it off on you. This is unfair but if she doesn't know how to go back to where you were before that evening then maybe you need to reassure her that you will make the effort to do that as well. Maybe it just needs to be voiced. It sounds as if she wants to be with you as well but is torn between that desire and her deeper desire to remain wholesome...and there is nothing at all wrong with that. If you truly love her the way that you say you do then I would be absolutely honest with her and tell her that you love her and that you don't want to do anything to push her any faster than she wants to go. Hopefully she isn't too shy to be honest back. It sounds like she is a rare treasure in the vast piles of cheap sparkly trinkets and their constant problems with sexual misconduct, fear of STDs, and fear of pregnancy at way too young an age.
When you go out with her now pretend like that does not happen. Don't talk about it, I think she is embrass about it and she feels that you would not respect her anymore. Show her the same way that you have been with her for the last 7 month. Later she will realise about it and when it's time for her to talk then you can discuss it but from today onwards don't mention a thing. Don't forget to sent her flower and a thank you note for being your friend
dont do that joey....as my other family and friends would tell me. if you really love that lady, then wait....dont rush. the more you rush the more she will go away from you.
Give her a bunch of flowers. Go to your florist and pick out a bunch of beautiful fun flowers. Not roses,too obvious.
You clearly think a lot of each other.
She wants YOU! Lets get that straight, but she wants to retain her dignity also, which you have to respect.
Tell her how much you admire, respect her, which is why you both have waited so long.
Show her you care about her! Not only the sex, although that is completely natural.
Love my friend! Tell her.Just remember this, if you have sex she may believe that the enigma has gone for you both and that there is nothing left.
Take a look at http://love-lust-n-life.blogspot.com/ for some good advice.
Take good care both of you and good luck
i think you must be the sweaters guy i have ever got the privilege to speak to here today !
the reason she feels like that could be much deeper that we think so i suggest talk to her about it and explain to her that you did not mean to make her feel uncomfortable at all and that you are willing to wait until she is ready for it !
as well as ready to speak to you about it !
i think you are very sincere and keep it that way !
shell come around and find the same thing !
:) AL smiling today ! good luck man keep your head up high !
Man i can relate... my gf is pretty anchored in out church and does not believe in premarital sex... although I have engaged in this act with other gf, I believe that she is the one and respect her decision to wait. We found ourselves in the same situation as you two just a week ago, us both having very healthy sex drives we were defiantly ';dry docking'; as Ive always called it.. but even took it a little further... The difference in the situations is that she was the aggressor.. We too had a phone conversation and both were unhappy in our lustful actions... My advice and the road I'm taking.. is to share your concern and desire to obtain her full moral trust... also prayer usually works. Hope it helps.
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