Married women/men, please give your advice. My husband has kinda lost my trust & I'm not sure how to get past

it.My husband works in a male dominated field.In Nov-Dec he was away on business.There were 40 people there but only 4 were women.My husband casually mentioned a woman by the name of Tonya during a conversation one day.Well, I have trust issue from past relationships so I kinda freaked out about it %26amp; started questioning him about everything. If they went out, was Tonya there? If they went to lunch, was Tonya there, etc...Well, he went on another trip this past month for 4 days %26amp; I asked him if Tonya was going to be there %26amp; he said no but when he gave me his itenerary, her name was on it. When he finally got back I confronted him about it %26amp; he admitted she was there. He said he knows it was wrong but that he wanted to enjoy his trip w/o me freaking out about it. He says he accepts 80% of the blame %26amp; he is sorry %26amp; it will never happen again.20% he says is my fault because I make it hard for him to be honest with me.She is just a colleague %26amp; I just have to trust him.I just can't let it goMarried women/men, please give your advice. My husband has kinda lost my trust %26amp; I'm not sure how to get past
If you continue doubting everything your husband says or does he will lie to you to keep you from getting upset. You will also push him away further and further. It is hard to do but you really must trust him until he gives you a solid reason not to.Married women/men, please give your advice. My husband has kinda lost my trust %26amp; I'm not sure how to get past
Maybe he hid it from you because you freaked on him for no good reason before. Your exes are not him. How would you feel if he didn't trust you and accused you because his ex cheated on him? We both know that would not fly. You make yourself sound very insecure and histrionic. If you can't stand your husband having female co-workers, you have some serious jealousy issues and need to check out some counseling. This is not good for either of you.
I actually think your husband is right. It is something you just have to deal with. You have to trust him and not ask him all these questions all the time. Now he must feel like if you don't know it'll be fine. So he must think that if he lies to you everything will be better than if he told you. Take it easy on him a little. If you lay off he may feel more comfortable with being honest with you because right now all you are telling him is that you don't trust him even if he tells you the truth. So to him it is better to lie.
Time
It could be legit. I was a service plumber for years and one day had a service call to repair the commodes in the women's restroom/undressing room at a totally nude strip club. I will fully confess, I did enjoy the view alot, there were 15-20 women, and no ugly ones mind you, walking around nude. Of course it took me a lot longer to do the job. The women were not interested in me because I was not putting out any money, I was there fixing commodes and enjoying the scenery. The women said hi or made casual conversation but there were no sexual remarks, propostitions, inuendos, or anything remotely related. I told me wife about it when I got home and she freaked out. Why did I do it, etc, and on and on. I told they were not interested in me because I was not putting out any money or anything. I did nothing out of line with any of those women. I told her she would not know the next time because I did nothing wrong and she was going on like hell. She told me I better tell her, I told her forget it, I was open, honest, and upfront about everything and she gives me all this hell like I am guilty and I was guilty of nothing. A few days later after she settled down and realized I did not go there voluntarily, that I spent no money there, and I did nothing wrong, and that I was totally honest with her, then she apologized for freaking out. I understand her point, I was in a room with 15-20 nude women but they were no more interested in me than anything. They just wanted to be able to pee. So it may not be anything, it can be an innocent situation. The more you freak, the less you will ever know from him if he does not feel he can be honest and open with you with you going ape crazy. Sit down and honestly talk, tell him how you feel, and both reassure each other of your desire and committments to your marriage. He needs the soulmate he married, not another mother or judge. Best of luck.
You need to just trust him, you have no reason not to trust him based on what you just said here. HE is not your past boyfriends so its unfair to not trust him over something he didn't do.





Lets say that this continues. He is not cheating but you continue to treat him as if he is cheating. You keep getting upset as if he were cheating on you everytime he is around women...he may as well cheat! You are treating him like he is whether he is or not, he's getting the bad without the ';good'; so he may as well just start getting the ';good'; if you are going to yell at him anyways. If that makes sense...


(I'm not saying that he will do that, but you could easily drive him into this thinking.)
Just deal with it. Don't cause commotion between you two. He knows how you feel and leave it at that.





I have the same problems with one of my husbands female friends (but she's given me reason to not trust her around my husband) but I trust him and he knows my feelings so when she gets mentioned I just smile and look the other way.





That way drama is caused.
You are essentially accusing your husband of doing something you know he didn't do. I think it's more like 80% your fault.





Don't project your issues from the past on to him. They are your issues to get over, not his. If he has not given you cause to distrust him, then trust him.
I would have put the blame all on your end. No guy wants to constantly be getting the 3rd degree, especially when it's due to your insecurities from a past relationship. If you want the marriage to last, you have to trust, otherwise your insane pestering will drive him away.
Thank God I am not married.
I had trust issues from past relationships, and eventually it started eating at our relationship. I had to sit down with myself and rationalize...........he is not the other guys and that's why I married him, things are great between us, so why would I think he'd cheat on me, I will know if he does, as my 6th sence always steered me right. After all that I just decided to let go and trust in life and love and my man. It's been 7 years since we are together, and I am glad that I DECIDED to let go and enjoy our life together, and deal with bad news as it comes my way and not freak out in advance.


I hope this helps.

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