Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm loosing my parents trust...I need some good advice..? (long story .. please bare with me.. )?

Let's just say, my parents are guillable. Like, really guillabe. And I take advantage of that fact.


This year, they used to say ';Go home early, have fun.';


Middle of the year it's ';Don't lie to me, have fun.';


Now this summer, it's ';Don't f-ck/mess with me.';


Big diffence, yes. But they're really guillabe ....


Anyways I go home past midnight alot, and my excuses are getting worse. So bad that today I had to say my friend had a car accident and had to be taken to the hospital, and I actually hate to FAKE cry. At first they were so mad, they were like


';Look at her, being dramatic. I won't believe your lies, etc etc';


But them, being guillabe, slowly accepted the fake truth.


Now, even though I got a lecture, I'm on the edge of the safe zone, to danger zone.


If I didn't tell them that lie, I would've lost 100% of their trust. I mean it...


In the end, after complaining to my friends how strict my parents are, they say that they just care for me. They do, I love them.. but it's summerI'm loosing my parents trust...I need some good advice..? (long story .. please bare with me.. )?
First of all, the reason you do stupid things is because you ARE a teenager and it's normal for teenagers to make bad decisions and do stupid things that can hurt them or others. Parents have to protect their teenagers from drinking %26amp; driving, doing drugs, being a criminal or a victim of crime just as they have to protect their toddlers from wandering into the street or eating a rock. From the time you're small, parents set limits and either reward or punish depending on your behavior. This is how they protect you and teach you to protect yourself.





However, even though parents know teenagers aren't always capable of making right decisions for themselves, they all want to believe that THEIR teenager is smarter or more mature than all the others. They love you, and you're special - at least to them.





This is precisely why your parents try so hard to give you the benefit of the doubt even when your excuses are so lame. It's not because they're gullible, it's because they desperately WANT to trust you and believe what you say. They want to believe that you really ARE the smart one, the mature one, the special one.





That being said, as others here have told you, it's up to you what kind of person you're going to be. Your parents try to set limits in an attempt to save you from your normal teenage lack of judgement (a.k.a. ';stupidity';) but, as you well know, they can only control so much.





If you really DO care what your parents think of you, then you need to get your act together. If you want to be treated like more of an adult, you have to ACT like more of an adult. Plain and simple.





Your parents will give you as much freedom as they feel you can handle. If you show them that you are responsible (i.e. being where you're supposed to be, coming home on time, helping around the house, etc.) they will respect you for that and see that you are being more mature.


In response, they will trust you more and give you more freedom. Then not only will you have that freedom to enjoy (responsibly, of course) but you'll enjoy it even more because you won't have to feel guilty for lying to your parents or hate yourself because you've screwed up and lost their trust.





Just think how great it would be if your parents trusted you enough to send you to Disney for a week with your best friend, or let you borrow the car, or even bought you one of your own - all because you had shown them how responsible and mature you are! Wouldn't that feel a lot better than the way you're feeling right now?


-- Think about it...I'm loosing my parents trust...I need some good advice..? (long story .. please bare with me.. )?
The day you need help because some one is stalking you and you are scared l know who you will call. Be just desserts if they ignored your phone call. l hope they do, but at the end of the day they'll come running to save their ungrateful teenager. Aren't you lucky
Since you have known your behaviour towards your parents,all you need is to reconcile with your parents and do what ever they tell you to do.PLease your parent do not plan to see you suffer.
Let's see, in your own words, you do ';do stupid things..just to prove them I should have freedom';





Surprise! That isn't going to work.





I don't know how old you are, but whether it is summer or not, you have to decide what sort of person you are, what sort of person you want to be, what sort of person you want to become.





If you don't make changes, you will be just like this in college, at work, in your career, in your marriage.





You aren't taking responsibility for your decisions or your actions, and it appears that you don't want to.





you say you need some good advice. OK - start a NEW relationship with your parents where you tell them the truth, and where if you aren't willing to tell them the truth about your actions or whereabouts - you don't do those things.





FOR EXTRA CREDIT


read the fable of ';The boy who cried wolf';


Explain how that applies to your personality, your likely future, and your relationship with your parents.
You want to prove to your parents that you should have freedom, but the only thing you are proving is that you are a good liar and they should NOT trust you. You aren't losing their trust, girl, you have LOST it. And you deserve to have lost it. You never deserved it in the first place. What do you want? Someone to tell you how to lie yourself back into their good graces so that you can continue to lie to them and become a bigger brat than you already are? Let me just tell you, you are on a slippery slope. I know a lot of people who are good liars, they manipulate the truth to fit what they need and want. And in the end these people have all ended up with a bunch of ';friends and family'; who did not confide in them, who did not believe a word they said, who did not consider them trustworthy or a good friend because in the end, no matter how well you lie, you will get caught and every time you get caught, your friends and family will come closer to seeing that you are a liar. When they realize you are a liar you will find out that suddenly you are all alone, no one trusts you, no one believes all your BS and finally, you will be sorry. But when you apologize and stop lying, people will still think you are a liar.


If you want to earn back their trust, and become a better person and hopefully avoid being a huge loser that no one trusts or cares about: try telling the truth from now on. It won't be easy, but to have people look at you and know that they trust you and think of you as a person with integrity -- that is worth the effort to change your life.
What you need to do is to stop doing things to betray their trust. If you're not allowed to stay out so late or ride the train, don't do it. I mean, I was out in Seattle one day at a concert on a skool night, and I was expecting to get home about one in the morning, and my mom knew this because I told her. Anyways, my friend's car battery died, so I had to get my mom to actually come to Seattle and help us out, so I ended up getting home about five in the morning. I normally wake up at five-thirty. needless to say, it was a long day at skool. But if I hadn't told my mom where I was going or that I was going to be back so late, she would have been pissed off when I told her I was stuck in a city that's an hour and a half away from where I live.





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You should try to listen to your parents, at least to some extent. It's okay if you love your friends and want to spend time with them, just maybe you should hang out with them in the right situations and according to what your parents think. Are you sure your friends aren't a bad influence on you? The way your parents seem to have changed their feelings towards you within as little as a year seems like you've taken advantage of them(like you said, yes). I'd suggest you say sorry to your parents, and try to not break their set rules anymore, or maybe not as much. They only want your safety and to know your okay. Parents are there to love, protect and support you.. My advice would be for you to try and gain their trust and respect back, explain to them how you feel. If you realize the way you've been acting towards them, that's already a big step and I congratulate you! But yeah.. try not to take advantage of them being guillable either, if they are it's cause they trusted you.
I am not a Bible basher, and whether you are a believer or not does not bother me. But if you can get hold of one, please read Acts, Chapter 9.





The Acts is the story of the early Christians written by the same author as the Gospel of Luke. Saul was a particularly nasty official who took great delight in making Christians suffer. A little like you with your parents really...
to much of a good thing can be bad to much to handle say.


if your going out drinking which it is very obviously you our then just dont drink so much that you are in these states when you get home. be honest to them tell them what you are doing they will listen i am sure and guide as they all ways have. the reason they have let you go out is so you can expirence what fun can be like but do not get hooked or life will slip through your fingers
I feel you.. I have lived the same life/lie for so long there's no possible way to fix it. needless to say that it started long After teenage. the only difference is that my parents were not gullible. and they never actually had 100% trust in me. not because i did anything wrong. only because we live in this society of mentally retarded men to whom any woman is a w*ore or very stupid to allow being taken advantage of until proven otherwise.


anyway, I always knew it was just a phase and that I needed to go throw it to be able to arrive where i am now. out of that shitty place and finally have my freedom. i do feel sad that I'm 26 already and that many years have passed. but i couldn't do it any other way. my other alternative was to obey and still be their good, trustworthy daughter who cannot plan her future on her own and probably will have to accept an arranged marriage.


yes, I did everything the wrong way (for them). I wanted to learn new things. i wanted to meet ppl and i wanted to have fun. a long as it wasn't affecting my studies or my work. I would have been stupid if i let it affect me in anyway. and i would definitely be stupid if they busted me cuz then i would lose everything. I did what i thought i deserved to do but as discreetly as possible. i didn't argue or fight or oppose them in anyway. this way I managed to enjoy my life and to pursue my plan to finally leave for post graduate studies abroad.


advice is, do whatever you do anyway you can without pissing them off. drop the silly excuses and prepare really good ones (only if needed) because you shouldn't need an excuse if you do it right.


wish you best of luck,

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