What I did, and this isn't fist time, was lied to her about our finacial situation. Yeah, a shitty thing to do, and normally I wouldn't. We both know right now that our finaces arn't the best. We have bills (which I always pay!!!). I neglected to come clean with her on this because I hate to see her worried. I want her to feel cofortable and secure, and not worry so much and get frustrated while she's working to better herself. (going for another degree) So to take more worry off her chest, I told her I didn't do what I really did in order to et some bils payed and a little extra to do something nice to her (Ok, fine, a cash advance on a credit card, not a lot though just enough)Trust, It's more important than you think..Help! need advice, a pick-me-up, and maybe some encouragement...
Okay, well.. things are out in the open and you two can work together to fix this - hun, if this is the worst that you and your wife face together during your marriage, consider yourselves blessed. Remember that although bills bother her, you agreed to share your life together.. and unless your vows had a clause that said ';I'll share all of my life with you, except when I think it's in your best interest...'; to be honest with her... Although you were trying to ';protect'; her, she's not very happy now, is she... You two just really need to focus on communication with eachother.. honesty, trust, and communication are keys... But, she should be thankful the deciet was on the side of love and caring, too.. It's not like you were taking money out of the accts to finance your ';secret'; drug habit or something.. You love her, just tell her that and work together - it will get better.Trust, It's more important than you think..Help! need advice, a pick-me-up, and maybe some encouragement...
That made me feel better. Thanks. Everything worked out OK once we both cooled down and talked about it. We're working on making things better for us now so we don't get too far over our heads.
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You want her trust? Then from now on, you set certain dates and certain times that you sit down TOGETHER and go over all the bills, what is in the account(s) etc. You manage finances TOGETHER.
She is an adult, she can handle knowing when things are tight. You weren't doing her any favors by lying. If a credit card advance is needed - then it should be a decision made mutually. (which btw is really the LAST thing you should do, considering the finance charges, you really end up in more debt than you start off with) Regardless of who is actually bringing IN the money at the time.
Her depression has nothing to do with money - it has to do with you betraying her - you can also get into marriage counseling with her to prove you want to work on your honesty %26amp; commitment.
I was in the same situation just oppisite. i was playing the role of your wife while my husband did the same thing as you did. i was like your wife but i was pregnant and my husband didnt want to stress me out so here is what he did and maybe it will help. sit her down and first apologize and then take your stack of bills and sit down with her and go through them together. so then you wont have to lie to her and she can feel informed about the bills and maybe you can even let her write out the check or call the bill place up and give your credit card number to them so she feels trustworthy and special so you get your bills paid and she feels informed that is what my husband did and it helps alot. and your not a bad person just include her with these take care hope this helps
u need to always tell her the truth and talk to her before u make the decision. that will help her out alot knowing u can come to her.. good luck
My soon to be husband is the same way. It is very sweet that you want to take the burden of financial worry and keep it to your self. But honestly she is not going to understand this because I don't. (I go to school and my fiance worries about bills.) But the best way to keep her happy is to keep an honest and open relationship. Let her know your financial stand point because she wants to feel like she's working with you. Whether she can help with payments or no she wants to feel like a partner in this relationship. She wants you to just be honest. Explain to her that you thought this was the best way to handle the situation and she will understand...eventually...we always can empathize with those we love. God Bless
Tell her to chill out, you did not use that money in order to go to Vegas and party with strippers. You are doing all you can to keep your household going, and tell her that in the future you will consult her on any big financial decisions. It's not the end of the world, it's only money. No one committed murder, adultery, or any other criminal offence, it's a small mistake done in good intentions. She has to work with you for a better future, and it's ridiculous to let this fairly small thing get between you and cause such a commotion. Life is messy. So what? Clean up the mess and move on. Money cannot be such a major issue, especially when your intentions were to put it into the household. If she needs more cash, tell her to get a part time job. A lot of people go to school AND work.
as long as ur not selling drugs or doing anything illegal you're good in my books. don't worry so much. you're only trying to help. maybe u can come clean with her when she's working again?
waw , if everyone can have a good husband like you. what you say is really very touching. It's good that you tell her about it. Remember tell her you will never do that again. She has a heart and she will definitely forgive you. I think she already forgive you she just pretend she's not for a while so that you will non do the same thing again. Don't worry your lover knows what kind of man she got and she wont give it up for anything in the world.
Just start telling her of such things, and don't lie anymore. Let her worry, it's ok! You're both in it together. If this is the ONLY thing that is making her distrustful, just stop doing it, and she will come around.
You need to take her off this pedestal you have her on and start thinking of her as your partner/your team mate.
No, if you are both financially wrecked right now, she doesn't need pampering or ';little extra'; nice things. Neither do you. Both of you are in this together, so you will both suffer together. Take her off the pedestal and work as a team. She doesn't want to hear sorry (please don't go buy her a f*cking bouquet of flowers), she wants CHANGE. So arrange a dinner date (at home, I suggest you cooking the dinner yourself, clip some coupons to buy the ingredients and be cheap about it) and have your credit card balances, bank statements, mortgage and car balances, school bills, etc. all in a neat pile. And talk about it. Together. Bring scratch pad and pens. Lay it all out - this is what we have and this is what we owe and this is what we have coming in (income). Then plan a budget. And stick to it. And be open about it.
Tell her you're sorry for what you did but you did it out of love but that now you understand you two are in it TOGETHER, and so you will be honest from now on. And that if she wants, she can handle ALL OF THE MONEY (you get NO credit cards, no check books, NOTHING) and you hand her your check when you are paid and she hands you in CASH what you need for the week (gas, food, etc.) and that is all.
ALSO make a list of expenses you two can possibly give up... cable television, reduce minutes on your cell phone plan, or if you have a home phone and a cell phone, give up the home phone (alot of people do that now-a-days), to save gas, maybe carpool a few days a week... pack lunches...
That's whats going to work.
Keeping your pride and sheltering her won't.
Good luck.
I agree with Spazn.....
TALK things over with her...You are a TEAM...!
I think that your heart is in the right place. I think that it is wonderful that you are allowing her to get another degree and taking care of all the bills. It is also wonderful to see that you know that she deserves nice things as well. The only thing I would advise against is the ommision of information, and getting a cash advance on a credit care. That can sometimes change the terms of your credit card agreement and have you actually paying more so be careful. I wish you the best of luck!!
I actually think it's sweet that you don't want her to worry while she's bettering herself. I went to college late myself and I know how stressful it can be. I can understand why you wouldn't want to add to that.
Telling her about it is your decision. If you decide to tell her, word it just as you did here. She may be upset, but I don't see how she wouldn't understand. Being a woman, I may be a bit hurt that you kept something from me, but I would understand why you did it. It is definately something that can be forgiven and forgotten.
I understand and can appreciate why you lied to her. However, I think you should come clean. Why? You seem a little bitter that she's not working. You obviously wish she would help out. You need to tell her this, not harbor resentments which will only grow and build and come to a head someday. She's your partner in life, all of it. More than anyone else, she can help carry your burdens, but not if you don't tell her the truth. Let her know exactly how the financial situation is, and tell her you need her to help.
OK, so now your in debt. I also don't understand why you would pay more interest for a cash advance rather then just charge the item. Anyway, you came clean and do no do it again. Your wife needs to be included when you are doing the finance. Why not do them together. By leading her to believe everything is OK she might be spending more then she would if she new there were a little extra bills. We all make mistakes and your intentions sound sincere Just don't do that again.
Call your credit card companies try to lower your interest rate and or consolidate your bills. Send payments weekly so you can bring down the bills even an extra 50 would help.
Good Luck.
Idk!!!
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