Friday, April 30, 2010

I can't trust my boyfriend, read the story and advice pls!?

I have a serious problem and need urgent opinions (pls try not to be too harsh as i am realising there is a fault in me also).


I had a very bad past relationship which made me not trust men too much.now i have a new bf for over a year but still i can't trust him.reasons:december i found out that he was emailing his mates about some random schoolgirl he seen on the way to work and said althought he is no pedofile he would impregnate her at the age of 16.i was devastated, i really did not expect to hear that from him, he seemed so nice and quiet.then i found out he has been e mailing his colleague who works in another branch :oh shame you didn't come to say hello, i even went to look for you but you was gone....ok innocent it may be but that just nailed me.i spoke to him about it obviously, he felt really guilty about that comment earlier and said it was just a joke (a joke? good lord, i don't find it funny!) and that this colleague is nothing, just a female colleague (if you see the pic of her on facebook, she is pretty!) i am not saying im ugly, i always get mens attention, im tall blond blue eyes..but i can't trust my boyfriend at all.now he is on some stupid car forum and he posted his hotmail address for everyone (as they all did) so i am just suffering even more, thinking at all these women e mailing him or whatever.





I am not saying he is the type of the guy who goes out every day or weekends, he spends the evenings with me and weekends evenings also but i am not the youngest i need to settle down and i am worried to make a bad choice again and get hurt again by man who pretends to be someone who is not.


I am so lost i feel like an idiot for not trusting him but how do i find out the truth? i don't know how to talk to him about it anymore, we had a difficult time lately coz i have been depressed and sad constantly.HELP!I can't trust my boyfriend, read the story and advice pls!?
He's a DOLT, Ho and a dumb bell. Drop that zero!I can't trust my boyfriend, read the story and advice pls!?
You're snooping around got you what???? Be with him without your baggage from the earlier relationship. If you go around wondering if this and that person is prettier than you , then you'll always wonder. Why????????
wondering if your BF has ever given you a reason not to trust him? has he ever cheated on you before??
More fish in the sea
You have trust issues...you need to go to conuseling so you can sort out your emotions and get over your problem...and it isn't a bad idea to talk to him either...let him know how you are feeling...it mite help your problem...if you choose to just sit around and do nothin....your jealousy may get worse....
You need help to build your self esteem. If you are going to be jealous of everyone he talks to innocently, because their picture on facebook is pretty your relationship doesn't stand a chance. The fact is all your hovering and questioning is going to push him away and he has done nothing to you for you to be constantly looking over his shoulder. Your past must have been very ugly but you have to leave it in the past if you want to have a happy future.
Wait, he's not allowed to talk to female work colleagues or participate in car websites? What if he told you that you weren't allowed to speak to male cashiers, or to go on Y!A? That's not fair. Just because people have strayed in the past does not mean that your new boyfriend will this time. And yes, men DO make off color jokes about sexy women on the street. My boyfriend does it all the time - and I know he's not coming home to anyone but me. It sounds like YOU have some major insecurities that you have to work on, because it isn't fair to him for you to act this way. You've been dating him a year! Has he given you any reason to worry in that year other then a few raunchy jokes with his boys?





If you want the relationship to work, you need to get a grip. TALK TO HIM.
Hun I know exactly how you feel if he can't be open and honest with you then you need to move on my husband was texting other females that he ';works'; with the text were sometimes suggestive and I read a couple which is what set this off...after fighting about 2 different females I finally told him I was done with the lies and even though I am pregnant with our second child I wont live with him and not be able to trust him! It is not fair...you just need to be clear with him that if he wants to be with you he needs to be faithful in all areas even the simple chat because it puts you in a position to really hurt another person that person being the person you really care about...I love my husband but I wont live with lies and deceit and you should let your BF Know that you will not put up with it... Good luck!! :)
Considering your past relationships, your new bf shouldn't put you in any type situation where you feel like he ';might'; cheat. How did you get access to his e-mail? Does he allow you to have the pass- word? or did you snoop? If you're looking for trouble... you usually find it. It seems, you had reason not to trust him b4 you found these e-mail.





Either way I'd suggest, you move on.... he doesn't sound like the type that's ready to settle down. He knows how you feel and yet he has done nothing but show you just the opposite.


Good Luck!
Before you can learn to really trust him you need to find out whether or not he was telling the truth. If you start trusting him and you get too deep into the relationship and find out it was a lie then your going to be pretty hurt. Getting hurt is a part of life although not everyone deserves it. You need to sit him down and have an honest conversation with him. And you need to tell him that you just want to know the truth and if he really cares about you then he would tell the truth.
I think you have some reason to be untrusting here.





If there was nothing going on - why the defensive ';only a joke';?





The comments about the 16 year old could be filed under ';hormonal macho behavior'; - if you want to be benevolent.





The biggest issue is - if you cannot work out the trust - there is no real basis for a relationship. Trust is the foundation on which everything else is built.





You could consider sitting down with him - make sure there are no distractions (phone off!) and discuss your feelings, and insecurties. Ask him to help you grow over them. The way he responds to that will probably tell you what type of man he is.





The good kind will agree to work together to build trust, and the bad kind will say you are overreacting and nothing is wrong.
There's no sense if trying to maintain a relationship if there's no trust.





But, it sounds to me like he talks shyt with his guys. All guys do that, whether their intentions are true or not, they have their guy talk. Until you have solid proof, I'd just relax.
A relationship has to have trust. Even if the issues are his...then you need to dump him. If the issues are yours, then you have to work on those issues on your own. ie: not be in a relationship and figure out what you want. If you ask me this guys a dink!

No comments:

Post a Comment