I need serious advice. Trust.?

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. The reason i fell for him, his personality. Hes sweet, caring, loving and i want to marry him one day. He had a hard dating past when 3 of his exgirlfriends cheated on him but he trusts me 100% and doesnt give me crap about anything even if i do suspicious things. ( id never cheat on him anyway)





Anyway he has broken my trust before i wont go into everything but basically has done shady things. I do over analyze but he understands why i would have broken trust.





Im trying to forget about the past because he has improved since then and even though i can convince myself he cheated i know he truly isnt the type of person. i mean seriously every one i ask and tell the things he has done they say to me'; he really just isnt the type to cheat so even though he is suspicious he isn't like any guy ive known. i need to learn to not analyze everything and just trust his answers when i question him i need help and adviceI need serious advice. Trust.?
I don't mean to be unkind to you, but your ';question'; is confusing and lacks important details. It is essential to know the specifics here: What was your bf distrustful over? How long ago? How did he respond when you found out? Does he continue to be distrustful? What is he doing now that causes you to continue to feel distrustful?





So what I'm going to do here is provide some generic advice about trust and relationships, much of which will seem harsh, but it's important to learn now rather than suffer later.





If you are in a dating (unmarried) relationship and you find out that your partner has cheated, you should end the relationship immediately. Only afterward should you consider going back, based on the behavior of your cheating partner. If s/he is anything less than abjectly sorry, you should not go back. You certainly should not return to the cheating partner if they make any sort of excuses for their behavior, rather than simply owning up to it and apologizing. This advice holds even if you have children or other entanglements.





Notice to everybody who says things like ';he's sweet, caring,'; or ';s/he's really a great person.'; You know what? Ted Bundy was charismatic enough to lure women to be murdered. Jeffrey Dahmer's parents were certainly surprised by their son's behavior. Dennis Rader (the BTK murderer) was on his church's board and a Cub Scout leader. You see/hear this in the news all the time: Some child molestor or rapist or murderer has a wife or mother or friend who says, ';If you only knew him/her, you'd know what a great person s/he is.'; This is utter nonsense. The measure of a person's character is not how good they can be, but how low they can go. And if you have the good fortune to see somebody sink low, even if they're your partner (especially so), you better get out of the way.





What's more, the worst kinds of personalities--the narcissists, the sociopaths--are often the most charming and personable, at least for awhile. That's how they suck you in. Being good vs being bad is not a sort of bank account where we add up good behavior and subtract the negative. It's typical of people who do this sort of thing, their math rarely ever shows a negative balance. Or, as in the case of this question, the questioner has to talk about how the person behaved when they first met, not how he's behaving now. (News Flash--Everybody Acts Nicer At First).





So, if your partner is behaving badly now, give them an ultimatum--shape up or ship out. If they don't listen, be ready to break things off yourself. If your partner cheats or abuses you and you don't respond immediately and strongly, you have made yourself into a doormat, possibly for life.I need serious advice. Trust.?
well first things first take a long deep breath.....second set him down and tell him how you feel!! not in a the whole I think your cheating kind of way but simply tell him how you feel about the situation!!! if you are constantly thinking that he is cheating maybe you two need to take a break and think about what life would be like with out each other!! Just don't worry about it too much if he really loves you and you love him then everything will be fine!! everything happens for a reason and he is not a mistake in you life!! everything will be okay if you need to talk more then you can e-mail me at socerchic2007@yahoo.com good luck and keep your head up!!!!
First of all...


you need to know answerers are not your ';paid consultants';


and you should brief your problem , do not be so long like a novel.. short question will attract good answerers
It sounds like you are trying to force yourself to trust him even though your instincts are telling you not to. It's hard to face the truth when you don't want to but l think you should listen to that little voice you keep hearing that makes you analyze everything. I hope it all works out for you.
well, you can't expect him to trust you 100% if you don't trust him 100%. Relationships are like that; taking that leap of faith, putting your whole heart out there on the line in hopes that it won't be shattered. But don't concentrate on what could happen, concentrate on what's happening now. Don't cloud your mind with thoughts of him cheating or breaking your trust because that will only make you a wreck in the end. A lot of relationships end these days not because people cheat, but more so because partners are suspicious of each other. So just enjoy the present and what's happening now. If he breaks your trust and turns out to be a fake, then you just have to keep your head up and you self-esteem. Don't let a guy get you down because of something that he does to offend you. And if he does, it's better that you don't marry him anyway. But if he doesn't, just love him, and love him hard, keeping in mind that he is improving and that's something to be proud about.
First, you have to rely on your own ';gut'; feelings when you ask your guy questions, in order to get a feel if you trust his answers or not.


Second, I wouldn't go according to what others say when they tell you, ';He isn't the type to cheat!'; Everyone is capable of cheating, because looks are deceiving, for 1 thing. You have to know a person WELL to sort out whether they are trustworthy or not, just by being around them for awhile. you see?





I agree with you about your statement that your bf ';broke'; your trust and said he did shady things.


I know someone like that too! This has been my problem with my relationship for over 13 years.





You have GOOD reason right there having doubts with trust! I have battled this also! That CAN be enough too!


It gets to where we question the small things because the guys have let us down, and with me, over time I quit caring. A part of me ';shut down'; because I lived with this no trust stuff and found my life wasn't going anywhere, SO, I'm sort of where you're at!!!!!!!!!!





I'll end by telling you that it is hard to regain the trust in another person. It just depends on how much you have invested in the relationship to work things out, if you want to. Counseling is available out there and you both can go. That's my advice if you want to give your relationship a shot.








Bless you and good fortune!
I know , I know , I know you do not want to here this ! Why are you feeling sorry for him ? Why do you let him make you second guess your gut feeling ? Why are you allowing him to make up lies about the scratches ? Everyone else may think he wouldn't cheat but they aren't dating him ! You are dating him !!! I know you love him but do you love yourself ? You know what from the sounds of it you are smart and intelligent ! I hope I am right ! So forget about the excuses and go with your gut ! Do not let him or friends or family tell you how to feel and he won't cheat ! Tell him that if he really cares about you to tell the truth and let you be if this is what he wants to do ! You are not dumb you are smart and your not conviencing yourself that he is cheating GOD is telling you and you are ignoreing him ! These clues do not just pop up out of no where ! For ever question you have he seems to have an quick answer ! Take that blind fold off and realize he is doing some thing wrong !!!! Good Luck and I am sorry but this is the trueth !!!!
Trust is difficult to build and more difficult to rebuild. While you say you are a paranoid person, if you do not fully trust him now, the likelyhood is that you are not going to regain full trust ever.





Unfortunately, once you loose trust in a person, you start to question everything they do and even if you regain trust in them it is never complete. There is always that shadow of a doubt.





The signs that you provided in your question might or might not mean that he is cheating. Missing condoms are not always a sign of used condoms. Does he cancel dates on you? Is he busy a couple to a few nights of the week and you do not hear from him on those nights?





Since you have lost trust, you might do better to let go of this relationship and find someone that you trust completely.





Take care,


Troy
You say he is sweet, caring and loving. Was he sweet, caring and loving when he cheated? Is it very very important to you that he be trustworthy if you want to marry him? He has judged you correctly and doesn't analyze the things that you do because he knows you are the one who wants to earn trust and to trust.


On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that he found out once he cheated that it wasn't so bad a thing for him. It's easy for him to be trusting of you since he's not holding himself to any gold standard so anything you do is 'all good'.


You keep saying that he's not 'the type of person' to cheat but he did. You can find people who will agree with you that he's not 'the type of person' to cheat. That doesn't mean he doesn't cheat!


You're right not to overanalzye but by guarding against that, you can let this guy get away with a lot, including being the 'type not to cheat' while he does. I think I'd cut my losses if trust is an issue with you - 2 years of this is enough. Spend the next two years with someone you do feel very secure about.


Break up amicably and get busy looking for that new someone. I know you don't want to but I see big trouble ahead. Unless you think people 'grow out of' the tendency to try to get away with 'stuff.'
work on improving your self esteem.
well I'm kinda of doing the same thing with my guy -- and I've learned to just not ask those questions unless I think its necessary and to try and just live my life with him in it and not around what he does or doesn't do -- if he cheats then he does and I won't be with him anymore and it'll hurt but it would be more frustrating if I keep my mind on my own fears. And I think you should do the same.
Smoke some weed, that will help.